Vibe Weekly

We all know by now that men are visual beings and will remain so until our genetics are redesigned and that’s not happening EVER!

Now, a debate arouse where men were asked if given the two options which one would they prefer to be part of their day to day life. Option one was, would a man rather have a woman who can cook but is not good in bed or option two, to have a woman who is the kinkiest vixen in bed but cannot cook to save her life? Now you would think that the answer was obvious but according to the findings of the forum that had this debate majority of the men claimed and I repeat ‘claimed’ that they would choose a woman who can cook over the sexy vixen; that is absolute bollocks! But I must now explain why these men picked that ‘answer’.

As you know I think beyond the surface and evaluate my finding based on facts so let’s revisit the forum. Both genders were present, which only leads me to one main reason why the ‘outrageous’ response was uttered by those liars.

While in a forum that has women, men tend to pick their answers very carefully because it’s all about the impression they want to showcase to their female counterparts. In this case a man who would have implied that sex for him is number one would have scored lower bonga points than the one who utters the more ‘female friendly’ answer, in-turn making him think that all the women in the debate would view him as a ‘gentleman’ who sees more in a woman then just her naked body. My opinion which is supported by hundreds of years of study can only give those men a verdict of ‘guilty’. They lied through their teeth just to ‘save face’ with the women who were present. It is important for women to realize that many men will want to package themselves as the sensible ones, the ones who cherish women’s rights and ‘respect’ women. To be very honest most men don’t even know the meaning of the word ‘respect’. However they will respectably offer you fare or drop you home after sex.

Now let me further disgrace these men by pointing out a few facts that contradict their choice. Let’s go with the majority answer which was men would choose a woman’s cooking ability over her bedroom skills. Assuming you intend to live with your choice of woman for the rest of your life then these are things that you will have to switch off completely from your brain so that this cookery relationship can work. You will have to switch off your male instincts to 100% avoid ‘cheating’ on your wonderful Chef. You will have to ‘somehow’ switch off your aesthetic response which controls your sense of attraction, meaning at one point you will not find your Chef attractive but ‘hey’ at least you’ll have great cuisine in your home! You will then have to also switch off your genital response: good luck with that.

Here come the symptoms of the ‘switching off’ trials. Most men will find themselves feeling lost mentally, and this will lead to mood swings, random headaches will occur all because your entire body is trying fight off a primal instinct that is part of every man’s genetics. This is a losing battle gentlemen; face it, we are visual beings, we are attracted to ‘femininity’, like her luscious lips, her boobs that fit in your palm or mouth or smack your face as she rides you, her meaty thighs, her curvaceous legs and the list goes on. Gentlemen, your visual attraction does not make you sexist; that is just how you were created. I personally do not know of any men who will pass up a steamy night with a woman to experience the tasty tender sirloin steak with rice and spinach on the side. Yes I love my steak, I also love macaroni and cheese, but seriously can we be real and embrace our manhood?

Be proud of your natural instincts, how you choose to apply your instincts is your choice but don’t go around lying to women thinking they are going to like, or love you any better. If anything more and more women are learning and appreciating that a bluntly honest man is a better bet than the usual Mr Nice guy who ends up hurting you.

My closing statement is this; if your answer at that forum was realistic then men would be lining up to marry women in the hospitality industry. Take it from me, I love Chinese food but for some obvious reason it does not arouse me at all. But guess what, she who cooks it will for sure arouse me.

Maurice Makau is a qualified male relationship & sex therapist based in Nairobi. With qualifications from Rochdale Centre, Greater Manchester, UK, Maurice has been practicing therapy since 1995. His therapy sessions covers many crucial topics in today's world. However the most important lesson he tries to impart is for the woman to understand the male psyche, and how a man's brain functions in a relationship setting.

To book Maurice for bridal showers or forums call 0720229351

Dear Maurice,

I am a 24 years old guy, and I have been in a relationship that started when in high school 6 years ago. We lived in the same neighborhood then, but we moved 3 years into our relationship to a new place. The lady is now 19. I have mad love for her and I have plans to marry her. Since we were students when we started and not responsible for ourselves we avoided sex.

But wait till she turned 18 and I made a move for it. She jumped up and accused me of breaking my vows to her when she was 16 that I will wait till we marry for me to ask for sex. Surely that was then and the urge to have sex overpowers me nowadays to resort to masturbation. Every time I bring this topic up she is over the roof and hears none of it. The other day she made an alarming claim that I can go and have sex with whomever I please as she can only have sex in marriage.

 I am tired of doing this by myself Maurice! Besides this masturbation thing does not take the urge away! I have never had sex and I want to try. I have got a good job and can take care of my actions, she too is working and is about to join a local university this September. Surely I know no other girl better than her and I don't want to cheat on her. But this is taking a toll on me particularly at the work place where guys discuss intimate issues I have no clue about. She has insisted she will only give me it in our marital bed; that is when she will be 25 according to her plans. Surely another 6 years from now added to my burden, the urge will be unbearable for me. Do I have choices here or I start new hunting? What should be expected of me in bed? Where do I start? Is the urge manageable?

Thanks for writing to me. However I have a concern regarding your girlfriend's age. Indeed at 19 now she is a young woman who has barely started to grasp what she really wants in life. Yet as per your mail you courted her at a tender age of 13 and you were 18 at the time. I am not one to judge but how have you related in the last 6 years considering your age difference, she was a minor when you courted her. You do realize that, don’t you? You then went on to make a pact or should I call it a promise to only have sex when you wed, fair enough, however that arrangement is not working out for you as you had hoped.

At 24 I can only imagine what you must be going through but then again you still went ahead and promised each other a time line that she takes very seriously. You see, my good man, the pact you made in her mind is her 'special day', a day that she will cherish when it eventually comes. In the other hand for you, you are attempting to fight off your male primal instinct, an urge that is almost impossible to keep in-check especially if it is a new raging roller-coaster of sensations. I must admit you are in a fix, because for you as a young man it's an urge that is part of you and it must be explored no matter what, for her when you sleep together it will be an act of 'making love', you are in two very different worlds (in terms of mindsets) that will ultimately lead to a sexual act; basically 'sex', regardless of how you sugar coat or label it.

You ask if you have a choice. Yes we all have choices. The first one would have been for you to weigh the odds for the future when you started to court her and begun to set unrealistic boundaries. I can not tell you to seek other avenues to relive your urge; that is not my place. I also do not think that you should be worrying about your bedroom skills. If indeed you are both virgins then you will cross that bridge when it comes. In my opinion the only way to attempt to come to some consensus is for me to counsel the two of you to establish a realistic path for the two of you to take.

Maurice Makau is a qualified male relationship & sex therapist based in Nairobi. With qualifications from Rochdale Centre, Greater Manchester, UK, Maurice has been practicing therapy since 1995. His therapy sessions covers many crucial topics in today's world. However the most important lesson he tries to impart is for the woman to understand the male psyche, and how a man's brain functions in a relationship setting.

To book Maurice for bridal showers or forums call 0720229351

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“Where’s my chair?”

“This is not my chair, my chair has the number 6 on it.” This is a daily routine at my work place... the missing chair. I’m not sure why but mine never disappears yet there is always someone complaining about missing theirs! Should we start labelling them? ‘Munassaragina’ at the back of the seat! Every time her seat is not at her desk she’ll go round checking the back of everyone’s chair! Wow, just thinking about it makes me feel like I’m back in primary school (not such a bad feeling I must say).

Maybe, I’m the fool here, and they are in on something that I don’t know about, I might have missed the memo! They are probably whispering behind my back as I write this, “Just look at her, the idiot sitting on THAT chair.” Yes, it’s probably not even acknowledged as MINE, not complaining though, I don’t want a love affair with a chair like the rest of them. At this rate there’ll be physical fights, I can see it happening SweetCheeks and SayWhat passing by my office, looking like criminals, headed to the boss’ office, their convict expressions in place!

I remember SweetCheeks coming into work last week, and the first thing out of her mouth, “Who took my chair?” I had my face about an inch away from my computer screen, engrossed in my work but the sadness in her voice could not be ignored! She got it back shortly though, Hank sorted her out, as usual. I must say, love having him around always willing to help! Hank, should probably have an ‘S’ on his chest, Superman I tell you. Whatever you need, he can do!

Hold up I haven’t told you about SweetCheeks, life of the party, almost always smiling, she really is sweet. Funny cause I didn’t think she was very nice when I met her, thought she was cold. Boy was I wrong. Though she seems like the feisty type if rubbed the wrong way!

Let’s focus on SayWhat for a bit. He has not been working here very long, so don’t really understand him yet and it doesn’t help that he’s not the chatty type. But he seems to think he’s a ladies’ man, been watching him, but the way things are going chances of him taking any of the ladies out are, let’s see..uuummmm...NONE!!!! The guy has no hope, but I’ll continue to watch him, and keep you posted!

Ok, back to the chairs, all this nonsense has brought up clicks at work! Grown ass people acting like children! I see the looks exchanged, I’m trying not to get involved but how long will that work? I know both parties are trying to recruit me! I’ve been quite strong so far but there’s only so much I can take! I need to pick a side and quick, because it doesn’t take a genius to see that things are going to get ugly! And SOON!